


Mask

by TheOtherCourse (kanevixen)



Series: The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth [2]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Cell Phones, F/M, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, Phone Calls & Telephones, Suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 02:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3834454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanevixen/pseuds/TheOtherCourse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth, Tom and Kristiane finally have conversation about the future.</p><p>
  <img/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mask

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the few one shots that bridge the gap between The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth and its sequel, Down With Love (not posted yet).

**Mask**

My phone buzzed insistently on my bedside table, but I didn’t have the motivation or inclination to answer it or to identify the caller. I was increasingly more despondent when my apartment got quiet, unable to regain my equilibrium on my days off when Terry wasn’t around. A month and a half had passed since Tom walked out of my life, taking my heart with him. The loop of our final moments together replayed in my mind at regular intervals. I couldn’t escape the memory, but I didn’t want to either. I treasured those moments, but I missed him. I told him that I loved him, and he returned the sentiment. We shared what we’d been feeling for months, and the emotion hadn’t faded since Tom left, at least for me.

I was numb, and today of all days, I wanted to wallow. Immediately after my phone ceased its vibrating, it whined with an incoming text. Mondays, my days off, were difficult days to find the will to do anything, and I just wasn’t feeling the need to move. Evening television programming droned on in the background, another source of distraction that I ignored, too lost in memories. The novel that I started back in October lay forgotten and open on my bed next to me, bookmark still in the same place. The week after Tom left, I buried myself in helping Terry prepare for his new role, took on more dance classes, more voice classes, more yoga classes. I stayed busy to keep from missing him, but when life went quiet like tonight during a blizzard and nowhere to be, I couldn’t move on from missing him.

I glanced at the blue digital readout of the time across my room, 9pm. Unsurprisingly my mind calculated the time in California as I did more often than I cared to admit to anyone, including myself. I wondered what Tom was doing at that moment, and if he was thinking of me as I did most days, all days, every hour.

Because my phone was a little bitch about being ignored, it chirped pathetically alerting me of unaddressed notifications. With a heavy sigh, I reached over nearly landing on my face on the floor ungracefully. Righting myself awkwardly, I checked the display by sliding the unlock button. I had one voicemail and one text message. Opening the text message first, my eyes filled with tears at the name: Tom Hiddleston. The hollow where my heart had been two months earlier beat wildly within my chest against my ribcage. My blood rushed, and the sudden alertness made me feel dizzy and giddy all at once. His text read:  _‘Please check your voicemail. Please. - Tom’_

The voicemail was also from one Tom Hiddleston, and my eyes stared at his picture on display. Since he walked out of my life, I couldn’t bring myself to look at that picture. With trembling hand I pressed the voicemail button and his voice played for me through my mobile phone. I was nearly overcome with how much I had missed the sound. “Kristiane,” he sighed through the phone with the effort of saying my name, and our history together. “I know we left things…” He took another breath, and the butterflies took wing. “Oh bloody hell, Kristie, I miss you. I wanted…” Another sigh, and his speech pattern changed again. “I just received some very exciting news, and I could only think to share it with you. As much as I’ve tried to put what happened between us behind me, you are very much a part of my life, even now. I need you. I hope you will consider returning my call. Of course, I absolutely understand if you don’t wish to speak with me. Please…” With a click his voice was gone.

Two hours later, I was still frozen in place, unable to decide what to do. I had listened to his voicemail two more times in its entirety, weighing my options. Tom put the decision on me, and I couldn’t. I missed him so much that I actually ached, my insides hurt. I didn’t know if I could talk with him, and then let him go again. Letting him go the first and second time around were painful enough. But the desire to have some kind of contact with him was undeniable. I understood his hesitancy to talk to me and why we hadn’t since he left. Tom was adamant about my not waiting for him, so he cut all ties. Setting me free, giving me the best chance to find another type of happiness without being hung up on him.

If that were possible after the week we had together…

I couldn’t possibly think of a reason for him wanting to talk with me about, but the curiosity wasn’t the driving force for me to connect the call.

Tom said he needed me.

In every way, I needed him just as much, if not more.

“Kristiane.”

“Hi, Tom.”

“How are you, darling? How’s the show?”

I rolled to me side, clutching my mobile to my ear as though it was a lifeline. My only connection with Tom in all this time and I couldn’t let go. “So much fun. She’s in my blood, and I’ve learned a lot since I started performing the role.”

“Are you still slaying them every night?” God, he sounded so good! I could hear his yearning to keep this chipper and happy. There was an edge of false exuberance in his tone.

“I’m doing the best I can. I had my first repeater last week. The sweetest musical theatre student has come to see me. The darling girl has dubbed me her Broadway girl crush.”

He laughed with me, but his sounded a little hollow as mine did. “Well deserved. You were magical!”

Silence hung between us for an oblong moment, a long pause. Emotion choked me, but I finally whispered, “Thank you,” I wanted to call him love. I almost did. Instead, I gathered up diva Kristie for some much needed bravado, I quickly asked, “How’s the movie going?”

Tom in his rich phrasing and eloquent speech told me as much as he could without spoiling the plot. His enthusiasm about project was infectious, and he enjoyed all the different techniques to portray the role. He mentioned combat training, green-screen work, his new found friendship with her costar named Chris and acting with Anthony Hopkins.

“I’m so happy for you. It’s really good to hear from you.”

“How are you, Kristie?”

I read between the lines. He wasn’t asking after my day. He wanted to know how I was coping with our separation. “I miss you too, and most of the time, I’m okay. What’s your news?”

“I received a call today, and I wanted to tell you first.”

“Tell me.”

“I was offered a role in Steven Spielberg’s next film.”

“Spielberg?! The Spielberg?!”

Tom’s agent in Los Angeles sent in an audition tape of his for Spielberg’s new project. He then auditioned and met with the legendary director himself, sharing a drink and swapping stories about their history with War Horse.

Breathlessly, I exclaimed genuinely, “Tom, I’m so proud of you! What an amazing opportunity and what a resume booster! So fabulous, really. Amazing! Congratulations!”

Tom sighed into my ear. “Of everyone in my life, I wanted to share the news with you. You would understand.”

“I’m terribly flattered. Terry would get it. I’m so touched that you shared it with me. What has your family said?”

“I haven’t discussed it with them yet. I wanted you to know first.”

“Me?”

“If I’m completely honest, I wanted you to know because… Well… We may not be together, but… you understand this life. You shared your greatest achievement with me. In a way, as much as this film is a great achievement, working with Spielberg may be my greatest achievement in this business.”

Everything I wanted to say caught in my throat. I wanted to tell him that we should be together, that I was still in love with him, that I couldn’t help but wait for him. The pride I felt for him was that for the man I loved, not just a friend. “You… you’re so talented, Tom. Well done! When does this all go down?”

Regret colored his tone when he admitted, “As soon as the Thor shoot is complete, I have to go back to England immediately for horseback training the next week.”

It all became too clear the reason he was calling. He absolutely wanted to share his achievement, get my approval, share his career milestones with me, but he was also telling me that there was no end in sight of our separation. Our six months, in one phone call, became so much longer. Tom didn’t mention how long we were on hold, but I was devastated by it.

For the remainder of the phone call, we kept things friendly, masking that we both felt the strain. We avoided the subject of us, how much this news was both a blessing and a curse.

When we hung up, there were no promises of talking soon, or working out a schedule that we could speak. There didn’t need to be. There was no point. We were growing further apart. 


End file.
